7 Months

Dear Lucy,

Oh my sweet girl, you just keep growing and growing! You are a sunshiney-y, engaged, and observant little girl. Your biggest milestone this month is learning to sit up unassisted! For awhile, you wouldn't even allow your body to bend when I tried putting you into a sitting position; it took you all of a week to get decent at it. I only let you sit without me as a spotter when you're on something soft like the bed, couch, or grass. If you turn your head too quick, you topple. 

You still love people ... when we're out in public strangers are drawn to you because you beam at anyone who looks at you. And if you don't immediately it only takes a few seconds for the smile to wash over your face. Your smiles are epic, by the way. You can't help but smile when you're smiling. Which is a lot. You're the smiley-est baby I've ever seen. I once woke you up from a nap and you beamed at me. 

You love playing with toys now-- your favorites are the exersaucer, links, Sophie, and stacking blocks. You are interested in adult things too, like the remote, the iPhones, bags of chips... I have to get used to reacting to your quick movements now that you're so grabby and interested in everything. 

You have been sleeping all night in your crib for about a month now. While I'm super happy about it, I'm not as happy about the 5:30 am wakeup calls every morning. Guess you're an early bird like your mama. Someday I'll have to yank you out of bed to catch the bus, but for right now you'd rather wake us up. 

Your latest trick is blowing raspberries -- aka spritzing your drool all over the place. Which ... oh my gosh, kid, you're the biggest drooler ever! I've had to buy new bib sets almost every weekend the way you go through them. Health-wise, you had an excellent month. I can probably attribute that to your new daycare (fewer germs). Keep it up, Buggy! 

I love you so much, sweet muffin. 

Love, Mommy

6 Months

Dear Lucy,
You are quickly becoming a tiny human to me. With each that passes, you seem to learn a new skill and take in more around you all the time. You LOVE to smile. Especially at your dad, but you love strangers too. You are still easily adaptable, so it's not hard for us to eat or nap on the run. You don't cry much at all - only when overtired or hungry (or when Mommy has to use the nasal aspirator). I've never actually seen a baby as naturally happy as you! It doesn't hurt you're the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. No joke. It almost hurts to look at you.

Mommy has absolutely no shame when she talks about you. I can't be humble at all when it comes to you. "You have such an adorable baby" to which I reply "I KNOW!!"

This month was a big month for us developmentally. You are now sleeping through the night in your very own crib and you're eating solids (oatmeal and veggie purees). Both things make me feel like you're growing too fast. You have taken very well to solids and eat everything we've given you so far. We're going to try some fruits soon! In terms of other milestones, we're working on rolling over from belly to back and sitting unassisted. At your 6 month doctor appointment  you weighed 16 lbs 5 oz, 27" and 17" head.

The more time goes on, the more nicknames you seem to acquire  Mommy calls you Lu, Lulu, Buggy, Buggy Lu, Big Girl Buggles, Sweet Muffin, Big Buggy Girlfriend, Big Girl, and any variation of the above. You probably don't even realize your name is Lucy. :)

I love you, Buggy!!

Lucy at 26 Weeks

Weight:  Between 16-17? We find out next week! She did go through another growth spurt the past week -- just eating constantly even with starting solids. 

Medical Issues: Running nose, teething pain has ramped up again. Thankfully she decided she likes Sophie. 

Sleep:  Still in the RnP at nigh and swing for naps. She's been sleeping through the night MOSTLY -- generally goes to bed around 8-8:30 pm and wakes up around 5:30-6 am. Probably a combination of full day daycare and starting solids. We crib trained her for a few weekend naps. It took her 30 minutes the first time to realize she could merely put her head down when on her belly. Also back to catnapping. 

Clothes: 3-6 months. 

Social:
This is her last week of her current daycare. They're going to miss her a lot I know because she's so happy go lucky. Also this week she went to a few restaurants. It's getting harder to go out with her because she's loud. Not crying, just wants to try out her vocal box I guess.

Crying:
Hunger and overtiredness. And when frustrated when she gets stuck on her belly.

Milestones: First veggie! (Green beans) First trip to the park -- she LOVED the swing!

Lucy at 25 Weeks

Weight:  Over 16 lbs. 

Medical Issues: She's got yet another snotty nose (thank you, daycare!), but her dry skin has really eased up -- except for a touch of cradle cap on the top of her head. 

Sleep:  We crib trained her for naps this weekend! She can roll back to belly but not the other way, so she cries out of frustration. It took her 30 minutes the first day to realize she could just simply put her head down and sleep on her belly. The next couple naps we tried it she went down faster but the naps didn't last as long. My goal is to get her to sleep in her crib at night, because I'm so afraid she'll launch herself right out of her RnP! 

Food: She tried a Mum Mum (rice husk) and oatmeal this weekend! I was going to wait until 6 months, but she's close to that, and I feel she was ready. Can't believe how big she is now! Food is a big deal! 

Clothes: 3-6 but can still fit into some 0-3 month things. She's more tall than wide. 

Social:
She completed her first week of full-time daycare! I think it's been positive for her, though I hate the thought of her being away all day. She's been sleeping better at night and eating a lot more in a sitting instead of snacking. She still loves shopping. Though now, when we go out to eat, she's rather vocal -- not crying, just loud.

Crying:
Hunger and overtiredness.

Milestones:  First food and first belly nap! 

Lucy at 27 Weeks

Weight:  Between 16-17? We find out this week! She seems so big to me, but twice over the weekend two different people asked if she was three months old... what? She seems like an average six month old to me! 

Medical Issues: Running nose, teething pain.

Sleep:  She's in the crib finally!!! I prepared myself for the worst night Saturday, but she surprised me. She woke up twice, but only cried a little bit before putting herself back to sleep. I can finally put away that RnP!

Clothes: 3-6 months, though some 6-9 can fit her if it's cut smaller. I finally get to break out the short sleeved onesies and cute little rompers and sundresses. :) 

Social:
Her first week at her new daycare went pretty well. I like it there. I have a few minor irritants, but none of it is about the care she gets. She's only in with three other babies, and it's clean, organized and quiet.

Food: She's loving oatmeal and Stage 1 veggies like peas, sweet potatoes, green beans, carrots, and squash.

Crying:
Hunger and overtiredness. And when frustrated when she gets stuck on her belly. Still not rolling from belly to back. Hopefully being in the crib each night will promote that.

Milestones: First carnival, first swim classes and first Knoebel's trip! 

Lucy's Breastfeeding Journey

While pregnant, I was routinely asked by other women (some of them friends, some of them strangers) if I planned on breastfeeding. My answer was always "I'd like to. But if it doesn't work, I won't be devastated."

It's amazing how a few months ... and becoming a mom... can completely change your perspective. 

At the beginning I was floored at how well both L and I took to breastfeeding, considering she was a NICU baby and a week old before we really tried. I had been pumping with both my double electric and the NICU's pump every three hours, and even though it was unlike something I've ever done, I almost cried with happiness when the NICU nurses told me she was getting my milk through the feeding tube. At least I mother in my little way.

I vividly remember the day I was able to put her to my breast. She was 7 days old -- I sat in a wooden rocker with a Boppy on my lap, my shirt pulled down on one side, privacy curtains surrounding our NICU pod, with a lactation counselor at my side guiding the process. The second L's lips found my nipple and I could feel an unmistakable latch, I cried out "How does she know?!" The feeling was incredible. Before that moment, I couldn't really predict how it would feel. Would it hurt? Would it be awkward? But it wasn't either. It was me being a mom to this little girl who had only known bad things in her mouth like ventilators and plastic feeding tubes. It was the most natural feeling in the world to look down and see my baby girl at my breast.

The next day in our "demo room" breastfeeding didn't go as well because she was so sleepy. But she was still connected to her feeding tubes, so it was okay. The day after that, I had to prove that we could do this whole feeding successfully before they would let us go home. And we did great. The number of wet and dirty diapers told us so. Then we came home and I was on my own -- no feeding tube and nurses for backup. 

I don't remember a lot about those first few weeks. Probably due to the sleep deprivation, PPD, PPA, and hormones.  I remember feeling pretty topless all the time and leaking milk through my tank tops. While I was proud and amazed that I was able to feed my baby with nothing but my own body, I felt trapped and tethered. I couldn't leave the house without her for fear she'd be hungry. I'd take the quickest showers of my life, listening for her hunger cries. My anxiety shot through the roof while leaving the house, praying she wouldn't need to eat while we were out in public. I never knew if I was doing it right -- or ANYthing right. Should she have both sides? Do I have an overactive letdown? Is she gassy because of something I ate? Does she have a milk protein allergy? Is she comfort nursing? Is she getting enough hindmilk? When will I get time to pump if she's never off my boobs? The neverending questions made me even more crazy. 

After the six week growth spurt, L was still hungry every hour on the hour, even though she had just finished eating 20 minutes before. Knowing that it was past the boundaries of a growth spurt, I went to a lactation counselor to do a weighed feeding. She had only passed two ounces. In addition, her weight wasn't going up the way it should. The two factors combined? Well, clearly I had been starving my child. 

And then it hit. The devastation Pregnant Me thought I wouldn't feel. The feeling of utter failure -- both as a mom and a woman. How could I be failing at this when we started off so strong, against the odds? I immediately sought advice from fellow mom friends. While they gave me invaluable advice, I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and disappointment. I'd have to start supplementing and pumping to try to boost my supply. All the information I had read and heard peripherally came flooding over me. "Breast is best" ran through my head on a loop. I couldn't give my precious baby the "best." Now she'd be at risk for a slew of health conditions. Scary ones like heart disease, cancer, obesity! What kind of mother was I?

 I didn't understand how this triple feeding would all work. I tried a few things that week to figure out how to accomplish my goal of increasing my milk production and feeding her at the same time. But I stopped nursing directly so I could measure exactly how many ounces she was taking in. I referred to her formula bottles as "poison" and winced every time I gave her a bottle. After two weeks, her weight shot up almost a whole pound, which only reinforced for me how much she'd been "starving" before that. 

Eight weeks of exclusively pumping, save for overnight nursing sessions, later, my supply slowly dwindled further from 12 ounces to 8 ounces a day, pumping 6 times a day. I'm guessing I could blame going back to work for that, but who really knows. Apparently my 34H boobs really were for decoration and not function after all. I felt completely chained to the pump, always stressed out if I went over 3 hours between pumps and having to race home from errands to pump and figure out how to entertain L while I pumped in the evenings. And since we had finally found a formula that agreed with her, I became "okay" with that being her primary food source and my breastmilk as her "medicine."

But as I faced with the idea of my breastfeeding journey being completely over, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. What about our overnight nursing session? That 20 minutes of her lying down next to me, my body feeding her little body as she dozed back into slumber, inhaling that hot, salty baby head smell. It was the only tie I had left back to those early newborn days, the days in which I always joked about giving her "boobie sandwiches."

Even in the weeks I was only able to pump a mere two ounces a day (two pumping sessions), I couldn't let go of that early morning nursing time. I end up giving her a bottle after, so it's becoming a pretty pointless endeavor, but I fought. While I struggled with the feelings of "boobie sandwich nostalgia" and a disappointment that's hard to shake, I knew that I was doing was best for her and best for me.

A few days after she turned 4 months old, she rejected the overnight nursing. And then we were done.

Now I'm able to spend more time with her instead of worrying about pumping and therefore more accepting of the where my breastfeeding journey has taken us. Even though I couldn't make it to my six-month goal, I busted my butt (too much, undoubtedly) and didn't give up.

So even though I'm not giving my baby "the best" baby food, I am giving her the best of me.

5 Months

Dear Lucy,

Five months already! That's too close to 6 months, which is way too close to one year. You're becoming quite the little person these days -- very aware of your surroundings, grasping those hands, mimicking our expressions, trying out your little voice and its levels of loudness. 

Everyone tells me you must be the happiest baby on the planet -- you smile a lot and at everyone you see! I'm so glad you have such a good demeanor; I hope you never get the stranger anxiety a lot of people warn me about. There are sometimes you're with someone else, and your lower lip comes out in the most hilarious way and you just let out a huge wail. I haven't quite figured out the cause of that one!

You figured out how to roll from back to belly, but not the other way around. Then you get mad while you're on your tummy because you get stuck. It's another reason you're not sleeping in your crib yet! You love putting weight on your legs -- I'm almost wondering if you'll master walking before anything else. 

You're still awesome at being out in public -- you love your car seat, the stroller, being in new places and hearing ambient noises. And it works for me since I have been in need of a Saturday shopping buddy since your dad's been working a lot of Saturdays. I can tell you're going to be my little shopper girl. You still love music and being sung to, and you really get a kick out of being tossed in the air and "flying". 

Your looks are changing a lot to me. You're looking more like a little girl and less like a baby. Your hair is getting lighter and falling out (so is Mommy's). You're all round and chubby and pretty long. It's rare, but sometimes I see some of me in your appearance, but mostly you're Daddy's little clone. 

Again, I can't get over just how much you have changed my entire world. I love you more every day, which I didn't think it was even possible. As much as I'm sad to see  these baby months fly by, I'm sooo excited to see you take in the world and be old enough to say "I love you, Mommy." 

I love you, Big Girl Buggles!! 

Love, Mommy