36 Weeks

It's getting harder and harder to believe it's almost time. In under 4 weeks my little girl will be here. We still have a lot of things to do yet (install the car seat, pack the bags, pick up things FOR the bags, wash things, put the swing together, etc.), so I'd prefer to wait until after that's all done.

This part of pregnancy has been the hardest for me. I'm just really uncomfortable and can barely do the minimum, like going to work and coming home. Any physical movement is a struggle, and I feel like a circus act whenever I'm out in public. I get stared at, smiled at, and constantly approached by strangers who want to comment on my size. And in addition to my elephant-like body, I've been having lots of swelling in my ankles and feet.

Last weekend we attended childbirth education class, which scared the bejeesus out of me. It made me just reconsider having her out altogether! While I did learn some tips, a part of me just wants to play things by ear and be coached by the clinicians. I also attended a breastfeeding class this week.

Wednesday I had an u/s to measure her fluid levels with an appointment with the OB right after. The levels went up, past the line of a condition called polyphadramnios. It could be a sign of absolutely nothing or it could be a sign of a birth defect/chromosomal abnormality. I have the option of a referral to a nearby hospital with a neonatal specialist, and I was sent immediately down to L&D for a nonstress test.  During the test, the midwife who was on call told me the baby looked great and that I shouldn't be worried about the fluid levels as I was just over the line. She has been the only one to be comforting and reassuring about this as the thought of something being wrong with Lucy makes me want to hide in the ground. I have another nonstress test scheduled for tomorrow and I'll have another u/s at my 38 week appointment. I just have to have faith that my baby is a big, strong healthy lady with no health problems. If she isn't 100% healthy, we'll tackle that at birth.

For now, I'll concentrate on the fact that Lucy has lots of hair as shown by the u/s this week -- long enough to float away from her head!

34 Weeks

I had a growth ultrasound yesterday, and it's left me more confused than ever. According to the ultrasound, Lucy's clocking in at 5 lbs 11 oz, which is higher than average. Also, the amniotic fluid is higher than average as well. I have to have another ultrasound at my 36 week appointment and following I'll meet with the OB (I have been seen strictly by the midwives to this point.) I made the mistake of researching excessive fluid online, and the possible results have me terrified. I'm afraid I'll have to have a C-section. I'm afraid my water will break/gush so fast I'll have cord prolapse. I'm afraid even if she comes on her own time that she'll be so giant labor will be awful. I'm afraid that the fluid level is indicative of a birth defect -- that's my major concern. It's possible I'm completely blowing this out of proportion, but I don't need another unknown, another anxious thought in my head. I just want her to saunter out on her own time (before my due date) and be a perfectly healthy baby.

Also on the negative side of today's appointment, I'm up 9 lbs from the past 2 weeks, even though I have been consistently gaining 1 lb a week the past 4 weeks. I'm pretty sure most of that has to be water weight (my lower extremities are just now tree trunks), but still -- ugh. That's a total weight gain to date of 42 lbs. :(

On the PLUS side of the appointment -- we got to see her again via ultrasound! We saw her hiccup even! And this floored me -- she has HAIR. I was convinced she'd be a baldy like I was. I can't wait to see what color it is! From the u/s it just looks like little spiky fuzz.

I'm pretty confident she'll be here early, possibly in October. Time is ticking away so fast now. And I don't feel ready at all. A part of me wants to stay pregnant forever as crazy as that sounds! But so much of me just wants to be able to hold her in my arms and kiss her head and her chubby cheeks and breathe in the smell of her. I want to be her mommy in every way. But we'll need to have a chat about how she plans to make her entrance...

33 Weeks

Okay, when exactly did time speed up? Now instead of people saying "Ooh you have lots of time," it's now "Wow, so close!!" Ahhh! It seriously blows my mind that I could potentially have a baby next month. The mom-to-be anxiety is starting to hit. I feel like I just found out we're having a baby, even though I've known it for 7 months! Maybe it's because I now have time to think about really preparing for her. The past few months have been hectic with showers, weddings, out-of-town trips, conferences, photo shoots. But now it's nesting time. On the upcoming agenda - finishing off the nursery, packing the hospital bag, attending childbirth class, and squeezing in a fall mini maternity session. I'd also like to get one more pedi and perhaps a prenatal massage.

Even through all my anxiety over not being prepared and starting to think a little to much about labor, I really just can't wait to meet her. She's kind of like a little mystery right now. I know her sleep schedule and what makes her kick. I even know what she looks like to a point, but it's going to be completely different when she's on the outside. I just want to wrap my arms around her and love on her. Rubbing my belly just doesn't have the same effect.

Symptom-wise, I'm hanging in there. The pelvic pain is definitely still there. I really miss sleeping in beds. I'm a complete waddler, and I need to eat more frequent meals instead of larger meals. The heartburn I get at least twice a day. I've been having more ankle/feet swelling this week, but I could attribute that to walking around Philadelphia for three days.

People's comments continue to crack me up. During my conference last week, I had several women approach me and tell me not to go into labor that night. Errr, what? I was happily shoveling food in my face, not clutching my belly in agony! Do I really look like my water could break any minute? While I am big, she's so high up in my belly it doesn't seem like it could happen anytime soon.

27 Weeks

I REALLY don't want to whine again, especially because part of this blog's purpose is to serve as documentation for my daughter to read someday, but it's really had to put a positive spin on the past week. To put it bluntly, I've been a miserable, sad sack of a pregnant woman. The aches, pains, rampant bladder problems, combined with body image issues ... it's been messing with me mentally. And I hate it. I hate being down because of pregnancy. I want to focus on what's ahead and the tiny little baby who is living in my uterus, depending on me for everything. But I'm trapped in my own head, fervently wishing I could hit the fast forward button to November.

And then the guilt comes. Because as sucky as the negative parts are, I don't want to rush this. Like I said before, this is a very epic period in my life, and I don't want to wish it away. I always knew that the latter half of my pregnancy would be a little more cruel since first tri was such a breeze.

But the good news? We've hit the third trimester! (Most sites say 3rd tri begins at 27 weeks, so that's what I'm going with.) Third tri will be full with many events -- showers, weddings, my baby showers -- and things like finishing her nursery, getting maternity photos done, attending childbirth class ... it will be busy for sure!

How far along? 27 weeks

Total weight gain: 22 lbs as of 3 weeks ago.

Maternity clothes? Basically everything is maternity now. Sadly I've sized out of some of my early maternity clothes. :( 

Stretch marks? No new ones anyway!

Sleep: Still sleeping on the couch every night. I can sleep soundly and comfortably until the mother nature calls. 

Best moment this week: Making it to third tri 

Miss Anything? Pre-pregnancy body that didn't hurt, a cold beer, dresses with waistlines

Movement: Lots of movement. Baby girl is active. I think she's been taking in too much Olympics -- she likes to use my uterus for her floor mat routine.

Food cravings: The past few weeks I've had cravings for turkey BLT sandwiches.

Anything making you queasy or sick: No.

Gender: Girl :) 

Labor Signs: None. 

Symptoms: Heartburn, constant need to pee, round ligament pain

 Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? I bought a fake diamond ring a few weeks ago because my wedding band was getting tight. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: This week? Very moody. 

Looking forward to: Seeing college friends this weekend to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of one of my bests. 

12 Weeks

Pregnancy is becoming more real. Or maybe it's hearing the heartbeat at this week's exam. I was feeling pretty guilty before this... like a robot for not feeling a bond with my baby yet. There are so many unknowns right now. As a Type A, planner type it's hard for me to plan ahead -- to know who this little person will be once on the outside. What will he/she look like? Act like? What kind of human will they grow to be? Will they be smart, athletic, funny, introverted, artistic? How will we be as parents? How will I survive the drawbacks of parenthood everyone seems to warn me about?

 It's sometimes easy to forget I'm physically pregnant -- I'm not quite showing, my symptoms are not strong, and no nursery or baby gear in sight. But when I find myself alone, I rub my belly and softly whisper to the little peanut. And it's then the overwhelming emotion washes over me.

The past two weeks I've been furiously buying maternity clothes. Getting dressed in the morning is my biggest nightmare anymore, so the more I can diminish that aggravation the better!

Hoping to get our reveal shoot done this weekend. If we do, our little peanut becomes Facebook official on Monday!

Baby's Hearbeat

Limes and Lab Work

I didn't pay much attention to the weekly fruit comparisons until 11 weeks, which puts my fetus at the size of a lime. A lime seems so much bigger than a prune! Yet when I hold the lime against my belly it seems so small. :-/  

Tomorrow I have my first physical with a midwife. I'm assuming they'll also try the doppler on me then to hear the heartbeat which is something we didn't do at my first ultrasound. I'm hoping the midwife won't mind if I pull out my iPhone to capture the sound of it. I want to play it again and again until the next time. I thought about investing in my own doppler, but based on my friends' experience, I think it would just make me more neurotic than I already am. Though I am MUCH more relaxed now than in early pregnancy. But now the labor and parenthood fears are cropping up. I assume that doesn't go away at any point.

First tri labwork I can check off my list! 9 vials of blood loss later, I'm actually feeling pretty good. I hear the next blood draw isn't until the glucose test, so my poor veins can rest easy for a bit. 

I had wanted to shoot our announcement photo this weekend, but the weather didn't cooperate. This may put my timeline a little back, but that's okay. As comfortable as I am about the viability of this pregnancy, I foresee some panicking after I hit "post." 

Early pregnancy fatigue is creeping back around; I'm exhausted by 7 pm. Also experiencing a little more nausea too. Those specific cravings have mostly subsided too. Maybe now I can finally eat more salads or something! :)

8 Weeks

Eight weeks already! I whined at the beginning that this pregnancy seemed to move so slowly, but now it's picking up some steam thankfully. Lots of random thoughts today.

Instragram pics. Don't worry -- it's grape juice I'm holding!

1. Last weekend I went with a group of friends to our annual winery trip. Luckily I've remained nausea-free, so  the trip wasn't as bad as I figured; in fact I had fun. I brought my camera gear which helped occupy me while the others drank. Admittedly I felt some pangs of jealousy at my favorite wineries, but it's not like I'll never drink again ... right? 

2. Not much in the way of symptoms, though the fatigue is back. Food cravings are still there, but not as strong as last week.

3. I had my first OB appointment on Tuesday. It was mainly just talking to an office nurse regarding family history, medical history, dos and donts, etc. But the best part of all was finding out when I get my first ultrasound -- April 10. I am sooo excited for this one, but I'm

also equally terrified. I keep replaying stories of women who are told at this appointment there's no heartbeat or the baby stopped growing, etc. The further into this I get I obviously grow more attached to my little peanut. I just can't fathom going through a loss. Each time someone on my birth month board announces a goodbye, I just want to cry.

4. According to my handy little illustration, baby has little arm and leg nubs and is developing eyes! It all seems to happen so quickly from little blob to real characteristics and body parts! This whole thing is so mystifying and amazing.

5. I finally got around to ordering a tripod yesterday so I can start doing weekly bump shots. I'm a bit of photo perfectionist, so I'm having a hard time coming up with how I want these to look -- do I wear the same outfit? Face the same direction? Right now I'm just lumpy between the bloaty belly and the ever-increasing-in-size backend, so it's not too pretty too look at.

Anyway, happy Friday to all!!

4w5d

Today marks 4w5d and still no nausea -- which is good, don't get me wrong, but the sadistic part of it me wants a bit of it because it would reinforce a growing embryo. I have the typical 4-5 week symptoms: lots of fatigue (I think about my cushy bed once an hour) and swollen boobs. I've cut my caffeine intake by half, upped my fruit and veggie intake, and dutifully take my prenatals. I wish that I could be doing more, so I'll probably start walking around my neighborhood after work once the weather gets a little warmer.

Nope, not a baby bump.

I research a lot. It helps in a weird way to hear from other paranoid 1st trimester gals and compare symptoms and fears. I think about being pregnant constantly. I suppose that's a normal reaction to something this life-changing, but I know that not everyone needs to hear about it constantly.

I've always had a pouchy lower tummy area -- even at my thinnest in high school and then again in 2009. I've been convinced that everyone in the world suspects I've been knocked up for a year now. A shallow part of me wishes I was "out" so that I could stick out my bloaty belly with pride. But no. What looks like a baby bump is actually a food bump. Plus some newly added 1st tri bloating. I'm bound to get even more curious looks now.

I want to tell everyone I know about this, but holy crap, I'm not even 5 weeks in. Most women don't even KNOW they're pregnant this stage in the game. And as much as I'd love to start picking up baby items and maternity clothes, I'm afraid I'll jinx everything once I do!  Yes, it's illogical, but welcome to my brain. I've already come to terms that I'll be a crazy pregnant lady. My poor husband.